We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
