This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
