shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize