I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
