you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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