so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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