I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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