i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize