I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
