do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
