Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
