ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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