:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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