The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
