I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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