No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
