happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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