How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
