My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
