Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
