it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
