I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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