3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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