On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
