what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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