Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize