So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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