While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
