we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
