i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
