just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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