He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
