Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize