I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
