every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
