Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Are we still banned from the library?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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