No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
