We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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