Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize