How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
