I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
