people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
