Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
