We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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