Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
