The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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