I'm so fucking centered right now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
