i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
