You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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