...so i touched it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
