her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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