the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
