Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
