Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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