I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Everclear isn't food dammit
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
