I hate your face
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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