Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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