Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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