honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize