i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
