Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize