did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
