Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
