you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
