I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
