I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
