I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
