I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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