The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
