I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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