The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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