..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize