I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
