I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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