You're so nebulous sometimes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
