FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
