how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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