I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
