My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
