No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
