whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
