So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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