Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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