Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
