i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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