he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
