the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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