My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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