and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
