girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
