I didn't shave. On purpose
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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