I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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