So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
