new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
