hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
