are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
