omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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