What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
