dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
