i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
