Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i dont even know how to be here
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
